Thursday, February 14, 2013

A Subway Surprise

I have a wonderfully sheltered roommate that moved to Los Angeles from Sedona, Arizona. She moved from a land where you had to drive three weeks just to go to the grocery store to LA where everything is "about 20 minutes away." Kayla moved her with her belongings and even more baggage-everyone's concerns about what not to do and who to avoid and what times to go out and when to be home by.  I, however, fear things like coyotes, singing karaoke alone, and looking like a fool; I don't fear walking around at 3am or getting to know the Los Angeles homeless population on a first name basis. So my ultimate goal was to bring her out of her comfort zone and see how LA isn't a scary place to be. So I had her start with taking the subway to work rather than drive. My. Bad.

Kayla  had to be at the Convention Center in Downtown LA and I urged her to take the metro downtown rather than drive and pay for parking. She was hesitant, but I talked her into it, telling her that there would be plenty of business people and students traveling by subway and she had nothing to worry about. She took it like a champ! (Shut up, Kimmi, don't be a perv!) She made it to work made it home and couldn't wait to tell me about her trip on the subway.

"Meaghan, there were no business people, its Saturday." Shit. Whatever, I work in retail everyday is a business day to me. "There were no students, it's Saturday." What the fuck ever, I haven't been in school in a while, no day is a school day. "Meaghan, some guy sat next to me and pulled out know..." No, I don't know, his iPad? His briefcase? iPod? "No, his...thing..." and she gestures downward. Score.

Okay. So, I finally persuaded her to take public transportation telling her how safe it will be and some guy sits next to her and pulls his penis out. (And no, she didn't grab it or anything, she's from Arizona, remember?) I didn't know what to tell her. Maybe he needed a breather, I'd imagine it gets stuffy down there. Maybe it was a new penis, (he could have at one time been a she, this is LA after all) and he was trying to see if looked like the real deal. For the record, if it was new, that doctor did a fantastic job seeing as it scared the shit out of my roommate. Either way, the penis and Kayla didn't get much closer than the distance between their seats and Kayla left a stronger woman than before with one more penis to add to her list.

Kayla has taken the subway and other public transportation since this experience and has only become less fearful. Next time someone whips out their goodies in her direction I hope she responds with something just as shocking.